Help Me! Harlan

Hey Harlan, I am going to college this summer, and I didn't have a boyfriend in high school. I don't plan on having sex with just anyone, especially in college, because I can't deal with the possible results. It's not that I don't want to, but if I get pregnant or an STD, I'm going to get screwed (literally and figuratively). How can I date in college without that pressure? - Going Away

Hey Going Away, Unless you're majoring in sex, there's no prerequisite that says you must engage in it once you arrive on campus. And even if you did major in sex, you could become an expert without engaging in it (a more common practice for many students). If someone who dates you pressures you to have sex, encourage that person to find another date and to have sex with someone else. There are plenty of people who will have indiscriminate sex with people they barely know. They often leave one another with sexual souvenirs such as herpes, genital warts, chlamydia, HIV -- or a baby. The idea that your body means something to you is an attractive quality. Virginity, monogamy and sobriety are options (they're just not advertised as much). One thing that might help -- find friends with similar values. This will make it easier to not be so "easy."

Dear Harlan, By chance, I happened to be in a YMCA hot tub with a cute guy I wanted to talk to. However, as I tried to think of a way to strike up a conversation, I realized that I'd never done this before. This, and the fact that I had outrageous goggle marks around my eyes, prevented a conversation from happening. Harlan, I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend. I'm smart, mature and fairly good-looking. I'm afraid that once I do have a boyfriend, I'll make an idiot out of myself with my inexperience. What am I doing wrong? Hopefully not hopeless!

Dear Hopefully, There's something very attractive about an inexperienced girl hot-tubbing with rings around her eyes. Here's the opening line to the hot-tub man: "So, do you think these goggle rings around my eyes is a good look?" Embrace your inexperience, imperfections and marks around your eyes. Inexperience is not embarrassing. It means that someone with more experience can teach you, or someone with just as little experience can figure it out with you. The only thing wrong is thinking that something is wrong.

Harlan is the author of "The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me Harlan! 2506 N. Clark ST., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.