Take heaping pile of awkward with a grain of salt on Thanksgiving

Did someone say mashed potatoes?

As the all-American celebration of over-eating and over-drinking dawns upon us, one word comes to mind: family.

The holidays will forever be a time of awkward encounters with your relatives over turkey and gravy. Unless you have the dream team family, many of us start filling our mouths with wine so we aren't open to say the wrong thing.

I can understand these less than exciting circumstances. So, this week, a "survive the holidays" help package will be offered.

Now, there are many different types of family members to please during the holidays. So I'm are going to cover the major types.

Grandparents are major players here. To make a touchdown of the holidays with the older folks is a breeze.

The first step is to apologize for not keeping in touch. College is, after all, unbelievably busy. This lets them know, or puts them under the impression, that you work incredibly hard in school.

Also, it's always advised to let them know you love them. This is important whether you do or not.

Look beyond the lipstick and ancient perfume and give some heart.

Aunts are strange characters in the family scene. They aren't your mothers, not your sweet grandmas with the cookies, but somehow they still have to fit. With lipstick ready to stain your cheeks alongside a platter of green bean casserole, these women can be quite frightening.

But no worries, I have the answer. Take the hit of the lip stain on your forehead and mention that she looks like she's lost weight, and son, you're golden.

Uncles fall into that same strange, not-exactly-parental category as aunts. We all have that "weird uncle." You know, the one who smells like green plants and lives for NASCAR. The only plan for success here is to put on your acting shoes.

So long as you pretend to be interested in the ins and outs of fast cars running ovals, you'll get to your pumpkin pie without too much tribulation.

The non-family family members are probably the most curious of all that attend holiday functions. The girlfriend of your second cousin seems interesting with her purple hair.

And that friend of your weird uncle who is sporting a Jeff Gordon shirt doesn't seem so bad, right?

These people are somewhat easier to please. That non-relation part excludes them from being able to tickle you, make fun of your clothes or criticize your college. To treat them as peers (see my previous articles) you'd meet on campus is most likely your best bet. Be interested, but not too personal, and you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have covered here the basic family units, which you will surely encounter during the holidays. Between grandparents, aunts, uncles and that dude over there without a name, you can score a touchdown at the Super Bowl of family conversations.

Treat your elders with respect and attention, leave religion out of the conversation with family rookies and dig into the stuffing, folks.